My hand turned me down
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
