I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
