Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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