Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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