which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
