Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
