I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
