I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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