Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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