Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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