I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
