did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
