he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Blood and glitter go together right?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
