i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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