I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
