woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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