So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
