I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
