Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize