y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
In America we eat man semen.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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