Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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