Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
