I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
