i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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