Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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