To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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