you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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