OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
