its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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