either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
