u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
