I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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