Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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