I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
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my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
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I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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