FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
In America we eat man semen.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just invented taco cereal.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
