She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
