Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
