My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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