Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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