Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
