Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
