i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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