im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
