You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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