i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Sober January is a disaster.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
