Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday