where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.