There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The uberlube is also flammable
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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