My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
