you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
