she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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