Kareoke will never be a sober sport
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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