He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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