I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
is wine microwaveable?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
