i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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