I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
