I should be sponsored by Trojan
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
