I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
