I haven't been this sober since birth.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
