what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
