I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
