can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
