She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
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And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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