I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
