If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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