is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
