No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
