Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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