our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
