if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
