Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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