remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
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so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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