I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
